The Lost Month

Despite the team’s less-than-stellar West Coast swing (followed by a nice couple of wins here at home), the talk around Twins-town has been all about last Friday’s TV deal with the devil, err, I mean Fox Sports Net. It has only been since this past Saturday that Twins baseball has had a viewable audience larger than Saum, Minnesota (population: 8). Up until that point, we all did our best to keep up with the team through various other sources- in print, on the radio, and on the Internet. But without actually seeing the games for ourselves, how can we be sure what really took place? Take the following scenarios for example:

What we think happened: The Twins revamped bullpen was one of the major’s best
What ACTUALLY happened: Rick Anderson still had a one year’s supply of his patented “magic pixie dust,” but unfortunately Joe Roa snuck into Anderson’s locker and used it all up. Naturally, the bullpen has only been human in May.

We think: Lew Ford was one of the league’s best hitters in April.
Actually: Sensing an opening for an official player at a newly-formed internet blog called “Twins Chatter”, Lew sabotaged Torii Hunter’s cleat so that he could move up to the big leagues. He knew he would soon perform well enough to be recognized on Twins Chatter, something that was one of his life goals.

We think: Joe Mauer was injured after 14 innings of play but finished April with an OPS of 1.583.
Actually: Manager Ron Gardenhire is only using this “knee surgery” thing as a cover story so that he can rest his young catcher for the ever-important stretch run.

We think: Carlos Silva, the same Carlos Silva who had started exactly ONE major league game heading into 2004, won five consecutive starts.
Actually: Terry Ryan found a different pitcher in the Phillies organization, one who is also named Carlos Silva. The “real” Carlos is still back home in Venezuela due to visa problems.

We think: Five Twins players made trips to the DL before the season had barely begun.
Actually: AstroPlay, the company originally commissioned to install the Metrodome’s new surface, employed undercover agents to improperly install the Dome’s Field Turf in a last-ditch effort to discredit their competition and save themselves from bankruptcy.

We think: Luis Rivas reverted back to his normal, terrible form.
Actually: Luis Rivas reverted back to his normal, terrible form.

We think: Jacque Jones finally acknowledged the importance of drawing the occasional walk.
Actually: Hell froze over; this was only a natural consequence.

Anybody have potential inconsistencies of their own? Drop them in the comments section below.