Thursday, May 26, 2005

The First Day of the Rest of Your Life...

Well, it seems that my masterful hacking job has not gone completely unnoticed in the Twins online community (some misguided fool, this so-called "Stick and Ball Guy" has discovered my handiwork... although we all know who the real "stick and ball guy" is, don't we?*) but the best is yet to come. My goal is to convert all of you heathen Twins fans to the one true way: the way of the bloody sock. Last year's victory has inspired me to spread my gospel to all 30 major league teams, and this blog is merely my first stop en route to world (i.e. American League) domination.

As last night's contests prove, the Sox are indeed vastly superior to your puny Twins. Sure, Wade Miller and the Sox may have gotten crushed 8-1 by the Jays, and sure, the Twins may have defeated the Indians 5-4 in 11 innings on a clutch two-out, game-winning homerun, but what does that really prove? The Indians are a mediorcre club that has vastly underachieved this season, while the hard-charging Jays are a force to be reckoned with in the East. That is until the Sox crush them in the 16 meetings they have left this season, as well as every subsequent time the two teams will ever meet. Yeah, I'm confident.

Sure, last night's loss may have dropped the Sox two places in the standings (from second to fourth) and they now sit behind those MFYankees and the inevitably-doomed Blue Jays, and sure, the Twins may be alone in second place (by a large margin) and 5.5 games behind the ChiSox in the Central, but the Sox are just five games out of first! Take that, Twins fans! I am not at all bitter that my defending world champions are underachieving so far this year, despite the fact that they spent millions in free agency on such names as the .246-hitting Edgar Renteria while your Twins are hanging in there despite a flukishly hot start by the White Sox! No, that is indeed not the case!

Again, bloggers, Twins fans, and everyone else: lend me your ears! I am Hacker T. Daniels, and I proclaim that from this day forward, no Twins blog is safe from my wrath! Where will I strike next? Probably nowhere, but you never know, do you? That's what I thought! You'd better run! Ha!

-Hacker T. Daniels
Rouge hacker/Red Sox fanatic

p.s. How is the weather back in Minnesota? I have been having a glorious time here, in Boston, in the cold and rain, while you all smugly sit on your porches listening to Gordon and Gladden. You will get your comeuppance... I guarentee it!

*= Actually, for all I know, SBG really is the real Stick and Ball Guy. I don't really know why I said that last part... I'm just talking out of my ass here people (as you can probably already tell). Anywho, have a nice day.

p.p.s. I know you're all mesmerized by the SWEET hacking job I did on the Twins Chatter logo... Doesn't it look great? Doesn't it? Anyone? Bueller?